Monday, June 05, 2006

My pet hates from A to Z

What are the things that really piss you off these days? Here are mine - and apologies to Mr Angry if I've pinched some of his:
A -Automated call centres. I don't really care if they're in Birmingham or Bangalore - what really gets me is the unending string of options, followed by music, followed by that ominous buzz as the line goes dead.
B - Blair and Brown. Who, at the end of the day, gives a shit. Brown will probably just turn out to be Blair without the charisma.
C - Christian fundamentalists. If I want to watch porn or Jerry Springer the Opera just leave me alone.
D - Dance music. Have you been to a club lately? Don't unless you want to become deaf and bored by the repetition of that beat beat beat beat...
E - England hooligans. Please let's just enjoy the World Cup.
F - Food scares. Is there anything that isn't dangerous to eat?
G - Global warming. OK so the world is getting warmer. Good - it's been cold for too long.
H - Humps. Road humps, traffic calming measures, high kerbs - councils clearly have too much money. There's a never ending stream of 'road improvements' designed to make life difficult for motorists.
I - Iraq war apologists. How can anyone - even Tony Blair - possibly defend this obscenity any more?
J - Japanese food. Raw fish - urgh..
K - Kebabs. Does anyone eat a doner kebab when they're sober?
L - Lithuanians. Nothing against Lithuanians per se, but I hear more people speaking eastern European languages in London these days than English.
M - Moslem extremists. Cartoons of Mohammed, women so oppessed they can't even display a smile - why do we tolerate it?
N - Northerners. OK, so I used to live up north - but I don't intend going back.
O - Obese people. We are fast catching up with the US as the fat capital of the world. Give up those burgers you fat gits.
P - Parking. There is nowhere to park these days without risking a £100 fine. Come the revolution all traffic wardens will be lined up against the wall and shot.
Q - Queen. Well, the queen's greedy relatives really - plus the late Freddie Mercury's band who are equally despicable.
R - Remembrance Day. This annual acceptance of the 'glories' of war makes me puke.
S - Speed cameras. Need I say more? Another money making scheme, which contributes to accidents as motorists are forced to slow down.
T - Tabloids. The Sun, Mirror, Star, Express, but especially the Mail and its right wing rantings about asylum seekers, criminals etc etc.
U - US imperialism. Any nation that can allow an imbecile like George W free rein is heading for self destruction.
V - Virtual reality. Give me real reality any time.
W - White supremacists. Not just the BNP, but every pub bore who thinks he's superior in some way to someone whose skin is darker than theirs.
X - X rated videos. Why rate them X when they are so tame? In fact, why do we still have censorship in this country?
Y - Yobs. Youth today is revolting - go to any town centre on a Friday or Saturday night and see for yourself.
Z - Zenophobia. Asylum seekers, foreign criminals, cleaners without visas - it's all grist to the Daily Mail's mill, whether they're contributing to the country or not.


At 9:08 am , Blogger vespaclassics said...

Agreed. nuff said.

At 12:43 pm , Blogger DaveC said...

Isn't 'Zenophobia' the irrational fear of Greek philosphers?

At 3:26 pm , Anonymous Anonymous said...

No it's a fear of Buddhist monks.

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